With all this craziness of Covid-19, I’ve had time to slow down and make time. Maybe I’ve had time all along, but I never really tried to stay still for a minute. My life is always fast-paced, wanting more, buying more, searching for the next “big step.” However, with social distancing, and everything else we have to do to avoid Covid-19, I’ve given myself permission to slow down and be still. calm. slow breathing. feel. and actually look. Look for the sweetest moments I had taken for granted; look for the smile in my husband; look for the colors in nature and really take a deep breath in this crazy life. I’m glad I was able to do this and I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to stop my crazy life.
Since I allowed myself to think of myself, I enrolled in a painting/journaling/meditation class with strangers across the world. I was expecting watercolor techniques and drawing skills, however, I’ve learned to meditate, relax, and really dig up discomforts in my life. I’m beyond grateful for this opportunity. For 10 days, I learned about myself, my life, my childhood, my fears, my expectations, my “important things”, and how to love myself regardless of my mistakes and “shortcomings”.
For about two years, I’ve lived in depression, anxiety, anguish, stress, bad habits, health problems, fear, confusion, mood swings, etc. I always thought I had a plan, a perfect plan. When you start realizing how this plan is everything, but perfect, all these emotions come to you at once. Then, add kids, husband, and everything in between. Life. You learn how to say, “this sucks, life sucks.” I lost myself somewhere in the woods, in a forest far from here, where there’s no light, and there’s no exit. I lost myself so deep that I thought I would never find the light and that I would never laugh again.
With meditation, painting, journaling, and simply taking care of myself. I’ve been liberated from such black hole. I’m in a good place right now. I’m in love with life, and I love myself. I will continue on this journey of self-discovery and slow down with life to enjoy every second of it. Holding real tight to the fact that I belong on Earth and Life needs me. I belong here and I have a meaning in life.
